16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence on Women and Girls

The campaign on the 16 days of activism against Gender-Based Violence on Women and Girls is celebrated from the 25 of November, the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women to 10 December, Human Rights Day. The international campaign is aimed at eliminating all forms of violence instigated against women and girls.

This year, the theme for the campaign is Orange the World: #HearMeToo. This gives the opportunity to all survivors, activists, policy makers and partners to voice out the injustices instigated on women and girls. Globally, 35 per cent of women have experienced either physical or intimate sexual violence or sexual violence by a non-partner excluding sexual harassment. According to UNDOC (2016), adult women account for 51 per cent of trafficked persons globally. Women and girls together account for 71 per cent with girls representing three out of four trafficked children. According to UNICEF (2016), there are 650 million girls who were married before the age of 18. Majority of women who experience violence do not seek help, be it counselling or medication. The few who seek out for help, do it within the confinement of friends and family who may end up victimizing them. Rarely do women and girls reach out to formal institutions or the police either because of fear of the perpetrator or victimization by the public. The lack of knowledge of the existing laws by women and girls leave them so vulnerable.

Orange is the theme colour of the campaign. The colour is so bright and optimistic, orange represents a future that is free from violence against women and girls.

Eliminating gender-based violence will help to realize Agenda 2063 aspiration seven, which sets to achieve an Africa whose development is people-driven, relying on the potential of African people, especially its women and youth, and caring for children.  We can all participate in the campaign by reporting when violence occurs, supporting women and girls who have experienced violence, become an activist and speak out on the injustices against women and girls. Let us raise the boy child to respect women and girls, teach our girls to speak out and raise awareness of the policies available on gender-based violence. Let this campaign be the opportunity to all to support women and girls to have an environment that is free from violence.

International Men’s Day

International Men’s Day is celebrated annually on the 19th of November. International Men’s Days focuses on raising awareness on discrimination and men’s health. It also highlights the role that the men play in the society, impacting positively their families, the communities and the world. The month of November is considered a masculine month to be able to celebrate the impact that the men have and them being a role model to the society. The theme for International Men's Day this year is Positive Male Role Models. International Men’s Day corresponds with Movember where men grow their facial hair especially the moustache to raise awareness on men’s mental health, suicide prevention and prostate cancer.

International Men’s Day is rarely celebrated or maybe not so many people know about it. Men have been raised to be ‘macho’, to be overly aggressive, to be self-reliant, not showing emotions and be able to provide, protect and defend their families. In recent incidents, the percentage of men committing suicide increases day by day. Today I encourage all the men out there, it is normal to feel pain, it is normal to cry, to be hurt, to want to be loved, and there is no shame in it.

Celebrating this day, focusing on the theme: Positive Role Models, men play a very critical role in society. Men play a key role in achieving gender equality. Positive masculinity builds the understanding of the need to have gender equality and dismantle patriarchy. They come first when it comes to ending violence against women and girls. Men bring a sense of security in society. They are providers in our normal family settings. The men who are out their day and night to provide for their families, to ensure their families are well taken care of (immediate and extended). Men also play the key role of fatherly figure and advisors to the society. I appreciate the ‘single dads’ who raise families on their own. Men play the role of mentorship in the society. Mentoring their children, supporting them through education, help them define their career paths, supporting them on start-up businesses and what is expected of them by the society.

Recognizing the efforts and the achievements of men, this year men are encouraged to teach the young boys to be responsible and be role models in future. I appreciate the men who take the courage to speak out about what they are going through, being able to battle sickness and still manage to put the family together, those who have experienced gender-based violence. Everything that the men have been through, the contribution, the sacrifice and your voice, you are appreciated.

The misconception of Physical Representation of Women

Having women at the top leadership positions or rather women at high-level positions receiving awards carries with it the misconception that it relates to women empowerment. That is not entirely true. I am a woman person, every other time of the day I will support the women in my life, their business, their campaigns, initiatives, basically positive initiatives led by women.

Women representatives positions in Kenya were created to help fuel and achieve the 2/3 gender rule or the 30 procurement representation of women at the parliament. I would not deny that there are women in the positions that have made quite great positive changes. But my concern is, they were elected to those positions to represent the needs of women which I see less often. I got struck by the two women representatives who encouraged ladies to get into polygamous marriages or they will end up being single. Polygamous relationships do work, but women should not be forced to becoming second wives if they do not want to. Just to highlight, gender issues are totally different from relationship issues.

Media has been one of the greatest obstacles to gender equality. The shows that air on Saturday evening that advises women on how they are to treat their husbands. When a man gets home, I am expected to get off his shoes, the socks, coat, massage his feet prepare his bath, and have his food ready. Do not get me wrong, I would definitely do this for my husband, but it is not going to be a condition for our marriage to work. I consider it as spicing it up. Now, this is an interesting line and thinking I should practice it when I get married. None of all this falls under the campaigns of gender equality, it does not play any critical role in achieving women empowerment, none of this gets women into decision making positions. These are relationship issues that should be solved between the said couple or they can visit a marriage counsellor.

Women representatives in Kenya ought to do what they promised the Kenyan citizens they will do when they get into office. The one-day appearances during International Women's Day, Menstruation Day, International Women's Day, and 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence. This should be a twenty-four-hour clock to cater for the women, youth, and children at the county level. Let us engage the women at our counties, get them jobs, let them have training that falls within their interests, understand their different needs. At this point, it is difficult to evaluate the impact that has been brought by the women representatives since they got into office. And I do appreciate a few who really work hard to elevate the levels of the women at their counties.  The physical representation of women at panels and decision-making levels do not translate to gender equality nor women empowerment. We have men who are gender advocates, feminist and they truly represent the needs of women.

Let's Talk Dowry

Growing us as a staunch Christian, I know very well what is expected of a noble wife, that which Proverbs chapter 31 describes, ‘a wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies’ Proverbs 31:10.

Discipline was key, I learned what is expected of me by the society and especially how to ‘behave’ myself when I get married? In my life of courtship, I met one guy who never believed in wedding ceremonies, let alone paying the bride price. His idea was for me to move into his house and we ‘make it work’. I never got to respond to this statement and at the end of it all, he said I am a very complicated individual (truth be told, everyone says am complicated, and I think I am).

This got me thinking. For a start let us get some words right. More than often people confuse the meaning of bride price and dowry.

Bride price or bridewealth is money that is paid by the groom to the bride’s family at the time of marriage and Dowry is money paid by the bride to the groom’s family at the time of marriage or wealth transferred to the husband’s family.

Bride price is one of the beautiful traditions that is still practiced today in many parts of the world despite civilization. It is seen as a form of bonding between the bride’s and the groom’s family, it acts as a form of appreciation by the groom’s family to the bride’s family for taking care of the bride. It also shows commitment by the groom to having the lady as his wife.

In Kenya, the amount of bride price expected from the man varies with different situations including; virginity (it is higher if the lady is a virgin), social status (lady coming from a wealthy family increases the amount of bride price), level of education (woe unto the man who marries the lady with masters or PhD and a fat salary). Men give up on the women they truly love because they cannot afford to pay the bride price, others resort to cohabiting or unplanned pregnancies obliging the families to agree with them being married. People have gotten in debt just to offset the bride price which entangles them in poverty.

Bride price has for a long time been seen as a factor in instigating gender inequality. It perpetuates Gender-Based Violence in marriages. Some of my male friends say the amount of money they spend on the bride price and the wedding is like purchasing the lady and it gives them the ‘right’ to own the lady. It automatically reduces the status of the woman in marriage, her decision making power, her Sexual, Reproductive and Health Rights not to mention their financial status. There are ladies that undergo virginity tests, they are forced to get married to men they do not love as long as they can pay good dowry price. Women have had to stay in violent relationships because their families cannot afford to pay back the bride price.  The fact is payment of bride price can lead to poverty, the debt that most people get into, and have to form committees.  Bride price is used to gauge the financial stability of their future son in law. The man is expected to have a car, a house, bring bank statements and all. In my community, bulls have just to be part of the bride price regardless of how much money the man is offering. Parents use bride price to extort money from the groom that has presented the women as property to bought.

In communities that pay dowry, it is considered as a form of protection of the women to avoid being taken advantage of. Dowry is considered as a token to the young couple as they start their marriage, it buffers the lady in case of the husband’s death or during divorce. Dowry acts as a form of security or form of inheritance that is to be divided among the children.

What would happen if our society considers the line of dowry payment instead of bride price? Will it reduce the violence experience in marriages? Will it reduce monetizing marriages and the pressure of marrying rich men? Will it allow the women to make decisions about their lives without the permission of their husbands?

Bride price ought to be a good culture that should be appreciated rather than being used as a money making business.

By: Nyabena Susan

The Silenced Gender

Masculinity is a social construct, it defines the roles, attributes, and behaviors that are expected of boys and men. Masculinity varies with the different culture and traditions. Men and boys are expected to be patriarchal, dominant, and aggressive. In some cultures, boys undergo rituals that initiate them into manhood. In Africa, the boys undergo circumcision, removal of the lower teeth, and they are not “man enough” when they cry which shows signs of weakness.

Are our men allowed to express themselves? Are they allowed to be human? Are they allowed to have emotions and feelings? To feel stressed? To want to quit?  How should they relate to the idea of being "man enough", the pressure of them conforming to the traditional masculine norms that denote that men are to be aggressive, violent, not expressing themselves? It does not mean that being a man is bad and it does not mean when a man portrays traits that are associated with feminine traits makes them less of a man.

Men who express themselves have struggled with being viewed as homosexuals. Gender roles and societal expectation have always been linked to alcoholism. I am a gender advocate, I support all the vulnerable groups and in my article Defining Gender; Demystifying Gender I highlight that gender is situational. Their choice of career; their hobbies, the kind of people they choose to engage in are all determined by the society.

My feminist friends say that masculinity is toxic. There is positive and toxic masculinity as well as recent debate on feminism being toxic (a topic for another day), and all this runs down to how we bring up our children. There is a trending video on social media of a boy being told by his father to stop crying and man up. Manning up does not mean that one is not allowed to express their feelings, on the contrary, they should be able to get comfortable with who they really are in whatever situation without losing themselves to societal expectations. Boys should be allowed to talk about their feelings, to engage in activities that make them comfortable, they should be able to fail without the society judging them, they can be weak, and they can be broken.

Toxic masculinity comes from the feminist ideology of the male behavior that is usually patriarchal and fails to realize the biological differences and the traditional gender roles. The idea that masculinity is opposing feminism should stop. Feminism and masculinity should complement each other. Gender equality should not be a conflict between the women and men, rather it should be partnerships as it benefits both to have a society that is gender equal. Boys should be brought up to respect their sisters, mothers, and aunts as girls should be taught to respect the boys too.

Feminism and Gender Equality

There always lies a thin line between gender equality and feminism. Feminist advocates for the realization of Women’s Rights and Gender Advocates on Human Rights and Gender Equality.

Gender equality refers to the opportunities that are available for both women and men to have access to and control of social, economic and political resources. Feminism, on the other hand, focuses on freedom and equal rights of women. Most importantly both feminism and gender equality aims at the realization of Human Rights.

Feminist believe that women are always treated unfairly by the society, their freedom denied and their rights violated. This is particularly true, women for a long time have been disproportionately marginalized in our societies. This is either due to culture, patriarchy, harmful practices, and religion. Feminism has evolved in three waves. The first wave was during the 19th century and early 20th century that focused on women’s suffrage (women’s right to vote), women education and labor conditions. The second wave was from the early 1960s through the late 1980s which fought against cultural inequalities that perpetuate discrimination and gave birth to the women liberation’s movement. The third wave started in the early 1990s after what was perceived as the failure of the second wave. The issues addressed were racial discrimination and involvement of the marginalized poor women. The feminist acknowledged that they have different needs and concerns and that they should be united to a common opposition to gender and oppression. The fourth wave of feminism emerged in 2008 which was formed around technology.

The waves of feminism pioneered the Women in Development (WID) approach focused on integrating women in the workplace and improve their standards of living. It faced criticisms for viewing women as homogenous and not considering women from developed worlds. This led to Women and Development (WAD) approach which focused on the relationship between patriarchy and capitalism. Then came Gender and Development (GAD) that feminist had a realization that unequal representation of sexes hinders their development and that men play an important role to realize gender equality.

Often than not Feminist have the view that Gender Advocates do not give attention to the women’s needs and concerns when they are developing policies and implementing them. And for this I will forever echo, gender is situational, women and men are all vulnerable, only differentiated by the situations.

I was listening to a gender forum on dismantling patriarchy, from the audience, a man identified himself as a male feminist, sometimes they feel not welcomed and they do not know how better they could help. Another one said he is more than happy to be there and would love to know more on the feminist campaigns. The response from the audience and the panelist who were women just left me in a state of awe. The first man got a response that women do not have time to make them feel at home and that he should find his purpose as he comes around the issues that surround women inequality. Pause! That was a moment of silence! The other response from the audience, the men were told they are not even invited to participate in issues that involve women. Another moment of silence! Thinking about these two gentlemen, how they felt discouraged to think that they cannot participate in women issues just by being men.

I always appreciate people’s opinion, thanks to understanding cultural diversity. From this situation, I would like to make some highlights to our feminists out there. I support Women’s Rights and my friend calls us Gender Advocates. A great of a percentage of feminist use the approach of the first wave of feminism and the WID approach that excludes the men. Men play a vital role in realizing Gender Equality and Women’s Rights. As women, we want to be represented everywhere and our needs to be taken into consideration, being able to break the glass ceiling and get up from the sticky floors and reach up to the men, we need the escalator from the men. The positions that we want to occupy are currently occupied by men unless we are planning a coup d’ Etat. I am very aware of the notion that women are done from asking and they come and take. At the end of the day, for us to sustain our positions we need to have the support from the men.

Feminism has evolved and we have gender equality. Gender covers both women and men and the vulnerable groups; children, refugees, persons with special needs to avoid violation of their rights. Gender equality ensures the realization of Women’s Rights, Children’s Rights, Refugees Rights and persons with special needs rights. So for our feminist and gender advocate, men play a critical role when it comes to the realization of gender equality, sidelining and locking them out of our conversations makes us lose a great deal.

Women let’s make disciples out of our men, engage them on Women’s rights and Gender Equality and send them forth to the world to preach and make more disciples.

By: Nyabena Susan

Comprehensive Sexual education; part 2

Comprehensive Sexual Education (CSE) as reflected in Comprehensive Sexual Education; Part 1, gives the youth and adolescents the exposure to Life skills (decision-making skills, communication skills and the development of positive attitudes) that places them at a better place to decide on matters about sex. CSE gives the opportunity to the young people to explore their environment, cultures, and values. It helps them understand the society, family and their own values that build up their self-esteem, self-efficacy and their responsibilities to the society. Not forgetting the key role that CSE plays in building the relationship and interpersonal skills of the young people which equips them with the ability to be responsible for their sexual activities and take into consideration healthy measures. CSE as a program not only focuses on helping the young people understand, explore and appreciate their sexuality, but also they get to learn about their rights and gender equality.

According to Kenyan Demographic and Health Survey (KDHS) 2014, it is reported that 41% of single males and 21% of single females aged 15 to 24 are sexually active. In our recent times, timely and accurate provision of sexual education to our teenagers and youths is fundamental with regards to their Sexual Reproductive and Health Rights (SRHR). Efforts should be made to different methods of teaching CSE that will allow the young people to have exposure to make better choices about their sexuality.

CSE has faced many barriers to be added in the Kenyan curriculum as it is viewed as a program that encourages the teenagers to engage in sexual activities at a tender age. The policies that are put in place has disadvantaged girls aged between 15 to 19 years that make it impossible for them to receive services of contraception and to cure or prevent Sexual Transmitted Diseases (STDs). A key focus is given to subjects that are examinable and Life Skills which is to cover CSE is not given much of a priority.

According to Guidelines for Comprehensive Sexuality Education, the key concepts, and topics of CSE include; 

1. Human Development; this concept discusses topics that include, the reproductive system, physical body changes, puberty, sexual orientation, gender identity. It helps the young people understand and appreciate their own body and understand their sexual development and experience.
2. Relationships; it involves relationships with families, friendship, love, romantic relationships and dating, marriage and lifetime, raising children. This concept equips the young people with information on developing and maintain meaningful relationships, how they can avoid destructive relationships and be able to make informed choices about the relationships they want to engage in and be also to express love and intimacy in the right ways.
3. Personal Skills; it focuses on values, decision-making, communication, assertiveness, negotiation, looking for help. This concept allows the young people to develop critical thinking skills, be able to take responsibility of their own behaviors that may involve sexual relations, learn how to be assertive and make decisions and also appreciate and live by their own values.
4. Sexual Behavior; sexuality throughout life, masturbation, shared sexual behavior, sexual abstinence, human sexual response, sexual fantasy, sexual dysfunction. Young people are able to enjoy their sexual feelings without necessarily working on them, they are able to enjoy relationships that are consensual and not destructive. It allows them to express their sexuality according to their values and be able to respect other people’s values. They are also able to differentiate between life-enhancing sexual behaviors and that which are harmful to themselves and those of others.
5. Sexual Health; this concept is about reproductive health, contraception, pregnancy and prenatal care, abortion, sexually transmitted diseases, HIV and AIDS, Gender and Sexual Based Violence (SGBV), violence, and harassment. This concept equips the young people with information that allows them to practice good health behaviors that include regular check-ups, effective use of contraception to avoid unwanted pregnancies and avoid contracting STIs and HIV. It also gives them skills on how to handle unwanted pregnancies and avoid sexual abuse.
6. Society and Culture;  the concept is about sexuality and society, gender roles, sexuality and the law, sexuality and religion, diversity, sexuality and the media, sexuality, and arts. The young people are equipped with enough information that they are able to educate others about sexuality, promote Sexual Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) and also understand the role and the impact of the society, family, school, and the media plays in sexual education.

Though having these concepts as key to teaching CSE in schools, the government and the teachers should ensure that the program is tailor-made to consider the different cultures and experiences of the young people and to assess their attitude on different topics. The curriculum should also consider the students with disabilities and special needs. This information introduced in the curriculum needs well-trained teachers that will influence the effectiveness for the programs. The teachers ought to be non-bias, culturally sensitive, and comfortable with the program, be able to create a safe and learning environment for the young people.

Equipping the young people with CSE improves their ability to implement what they have learned and use it to make better decisions when it comes to their SRHR. The responsibility does not only lie with the teachers but also on the involvement of parents and the community. Parents and guardians can support the programs by reviewing the CSE materials used in schools by teachers.

By: Nyabena Susan