The Silenced Gender

Masculinity is a social construct, it defines the roles, attributes, and behaviors that are expected of boys and men. Masculinity varies with the different culture and traditions. Men and boys are expected to be patriarchal, dominant, and aggressive. In some cultures, boys undergo rituals that initiate them into manhood. In Africa, the boys undergo circumcision, removal of the lower teeth, and they are not “man enough” when they cry which shows signs of weakness.

Are our men allowed to express themselves? Are they allowed to be human? Are they allowed to have emotions and feelings? To feel stressed? To want to quit?  How should they relate to the idea of being "man enough", the pressure of them conforming to the traditional masculine norms that denote that men are to be aggressive, violent, not expressing themselves? It does not mean that being a man is bad and it does not mean when a man portrays traits that are associated with feminine traits makes them less of a man.

Men who express themselves have struggled with being viewed as homosexuals. Gender roles and societal expectation have always been linked to alcoholism. I am a gender advocate, I support all the vulnerable groups and in my article Defining Gender; Demystifying Gender I highlight that gender is situational. Their choice of career; their hobbies, the kind of people they choose to engage in are all determined by the society.

My feminist friends say that masculinity is toxic. There is positive and toxic masculinity as well as recent debate on feminism being toxic (a topic for another day), and all this runs down to how we bring up our children. There is a trending video on social media of a boy being told by his father to stop crying and man up. Manning up does not mean that one is not allowed to express their feelings, on the contrary, they should be able to get comfortable with who they really are in whatever situation without losing themselves to societal expectations. Boys should be allowed to talk about their feelings, to engage in activities that make them comfortable, they should be able to fail without the society judging them, they can be weak, and they can be broken.

Toxic masculinity comes from the feminist ideology of the male behavior that is usually patriarchal and fails to realize the biological differences and the traditional gender roles. The idea that masculinity is opposing feminism should stop. Feminism and masculinity should complement each other. Gender equality should not be a conflict between the women and men, rather it should be partnerships as it benefits both to have a society that is gender equal. Boys should be brought up to respect their sisters, mothers, and aunts as girls should be taught to respect the boys too.